I just wanted to share a few things I realized this week after having 4 days worth of time to really think about everything in my hospital bed...I had so many questions for God, and why on earth this had happened, but for one thing I am truly grateful...it taught me what it felt like to be completely self-less and to truly make all my decisions based on another life; as He did for us 2,000 years ago. I think I understand His sacrifice 0.01% more than I did before....and that realization to me is priceless.
It occurred to me how real this little girl really was; how her life was dependent upon me and all the decisions I was making were directly going to affect her. As I heard the results from the ultrasound on Tuesday they said there were three real possibilities; It was a hernia, a cyst/tumor, or a fibroid. None of those three really sounded too appealing and were truthfully all quite scary.
I thought about the past few months and how much I really knew this little baby...I knew that certain foods I ate gave her the hiccups, I found out from several ultrasounds that whenever I felt the tickling in my tummy she was playing with her toes, I felt her kick extra hard whenever she was crabby because I was laying in a position that was uncomfortable to her, and I knew exactly when she gets sleepy and wakes up every single day.
This little life inside of me became more precious to me than I could have thought possible over the past week. And that's why I agreed to have a 1hr and 45 minute surgery wide awake and have only taken a few Tylenol each day since returning home, along with a plethora of other decisions in the hospital that were quite difficult. And, I would do it all over again if I had to...not to mention thousands of mothers who do the same thing for their children every single day.
Which then brought me to my next thought. Up until about 35 years ago, the question whether life begins at conception or birth was non-existent. Why on earth did things change so rapidly? This little girls life began at conception, as does every single baby God ever made. The CHOICE women have is whether to be intimate with someone; once there is a baby involved their choice has already been made. I have a strong suspicion that everyone, deep deep down in their hearts knows this is true, but convenience has ruled over convictions for the past couple decades and it breaks my heart to the core.
I realized this little life inside of me is so precious and so real and I would like to see someone try to argue against me at this point; and state this child is not technically a "real life" until she's born. She is just as real now as she was at 8 weeks old when all you could see was her little heart beating.
I love you my precious little girl....I will love you....forever...with every ounce of my beating heart