Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Two shots too many

Yesterday was so hard for me and Clara for different reasons. I have lots of friends who are new mom's and unfortunately none of them warned me about taking your baby to get her shots for the first time. I had to take little Clara to her two month check-up yesterday and I didn't realize all the immuizations she would need to be given. For some reason I thought they were spaced out over the course of the year. Well...technically they are, but it's not one shot every time, it's four.

It was so honestly the most horrible thing I've ever had to watch. Two nurses came in and asked me to just snuggle up to her really close on the table and hold her little arms close to her. Then, they quickly give her a shot in each thigh at the same time. That I was prepared for, but what followed I could not handle. She honestly started screaming...not the little cries she does when she wants to be held, or her hungry cry or wet diaper cry. No...they were screams of pain and no amount of hugging from her mommy comforted her in the slightest. Her little face was just filled with big round tears that just kept coming and coming for about 10 minutes as I held her close to me in that doctor's office. It was as if everytime she looked up at me from my shoulder she couldn't believe I'd put her through that and I couldn't explain that it was for her best so that made me cry. So, me and my little girl just held eachother with tears rolling down our faces. Each filled with a different type of pain.

I decided those two were enough for her yesterday and unfortunately I will be taking her back for the other two next Tuesday. Actually Dave will be taking her and I will wait in the lobby. It was just too hard. I don't mean to sound overly emotional about this, but I realized in the last 10 weeks my little girl has never actually been in pain which is a great thing, but now that I've heard what her cries of pain sound like, I wish I could take all the rest of the shots for her..for the rest of her life.

Since having Clara I feel like I have such a deeper understanding of the love God has for me as His child. I understand that He really does have my best in mind even if I can't see what it is. Clara didn't understand why she needed to go through that pain and there are times when I have the exact same question for God..."Why did you let this happen to me?!?" But, I hope if I can take anything away from the difficulty of yesterday that I will remember it was for her best as are all the difficult situations I am faced with. It is always for my best.

Also, on a lighter note...I stopped on the way home and got not one, but two Krispy Kreme doughnuts. I'm truthfully not someone who ever finds comfort from food, but then again I've never had to take a child to get their shots before. Luckily this only has to happen a couple other times this year or I may be faced with an even bigger problem... literally speaking. :)


Ashley said...

Oh, Am, shots are hard. Probably the hardest. I still cry when Abby gets hers. I think the reason I've never talked about it is because I've blocked it out, and I try to forget about it until it's time for more.

As Abby has gotten older the amout of time she cries has gotten less. Not that it makes it any better, but at least the comforting works better, or faster?

Just know, that in my opinion, you're doing the right thing by giving her those shots and someday, she'll understand. Love you!!

mama brehm said...

I am an evil mother and because I know that Barrett sees me more than Adam, I make Adam be the one who is right by him when he gets his shots. Then I say things like, "Can you believe what daddy let them do to you?":). If you are a fan of tylenol, I would recommend giving her some before her next round of shots if the dr.'s office says it's cool. Barrett cried a lot in his first three months so the shot crying was actually minimal comparatively. Good thing Clara has such a good mommy!

Anonymous said...

Amber, I miss you! I love how, in a lot of your posts, you bring it back to God. Your paragraph on God's love and how we have to go through hard times and don't understand the pain but it's best for us was so good... and good for me to hear. Thank you for being such a great friend and encouraging me through 2009. It was a rough year, but I know God is making all things work together for my good.

I fly out January 17th to LA. Can I PLEASE see you before then? Love you soooo much!
Kristin Helmink

Rachel Howell said...

Amber....this is one of the hardest things that we have done so far and Audrey is 7 months old today. I cried so hard before her shots at her 2 month appt. that the nurse asked me just to step out into the hallway and she had John stay in the room while they gave them to her. I got to be the one who went in and "rescued" her:( It made me so sad just with them talking about it. Her next round of shots were a little bit better and not so hard on her or me, but you are right, it is just hard because we can't explain it to them. Hope all is well .

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