Yesterday was so hard for me and Clara for different reasons. I have lots of friends who are new mom's and unfortunately none of them warned me about taking your baby to get her shots for the first time. I had to take little Clara to her two month check-up yesterday and I didn't realize all the immuizations she would need to be given. For some reason I thought they were spaced out over the course of the year. Well...technically they are, but it's not one shot every time, it's four.
It was so honestly the most horrible thing I've ever had to watch. Two nurses came in and asked me to just snuggle up to her really close on the table and hold her little arms close to her. Then, they quickly give her a shot in each thigh at the same time. That I was prepared for, but what followed I could not handle. She honestly started screaming...not the little cries she does when she wants to be held, or her hungry cry or wet diaper cry. No...they were screams of pain and no amount of hugging from her mommy comforted her in the slightest. Her little face was just filled with big round tears that just kept coming and coming for about 10 minutes as I held her close to me in that doctor's office. It was as if everytime she looked up at me from my shoulder she couldn't believe I'd put her through that and I couldn't explain that it was for her best so that made me cry. So, me and my little girl just held eachother with tears rolling down our faces. Each filled with a different type of pain.
I decided those two were enough for her yesterday and unfortunately I will be taking her back for the other two next Tuesday. Actually Dave will be taking her and I will wait in the lobby. It was just too hard. I don't mean to sound overly emotional about this, but I realized in the last 10 weeks my little girl has never actually been in pain which is a great thing, but now that I've heard what her cries of pain sound like, I wish I could take all the rest of the shots for her..for the rest of her life.
Since having Clara I feel like I have such a deeper understanding of the love God has for me as His child. I understand that He really does have my best in mind even if I can't see what it is. Clara didn't understand why she needed to go through that pain and there are times when I have the exact same question for God..."Why did you let this happen to me?!?" But, I hope if I can take anything away from the difficulty of yesterday that I will remember it was for her best as are all the difficult situations I am faced with. It is always for my best.
Also, on a lighter note...I stopped on the way home and got not one, but two Krispy Kreme doughnuts. I'm truthfully not someone who ever finds comfort from food, but then again I've never had to take a child to get their shots before. Luckily this only has to happen a couple other times this year or I may be faced with an even bigger problem... literally speaking. :)