Wednesday, February 9, 2011

A Husband To Fight For

Lalalalalala...I thought I'd start this post off by singing to you. You.Are.Welcome. :)

No, but in all seriousness...I was thinking about this all last night while I was busy not falling asleep, so whenever that happens I know I have to write about it.

Last night, me and my "Plan B" friends (that makes them sound like they were my second choice for friends, but I promise that was just the name of the bible study we did this summer lol) went out for supper. 

I love these ladies, like I love Diet DP and The Bachelor, but that is not the point of my post. :)

While, we were eating, Dave (my husband) was watching Clara Grace and Ashley's little girl Abby. Me and Ash both knew he would be great, but I know he was a little nervous about being alone for 2 hours with 2 girls about 2. (That was quite a few 2's...moving on).

When we got back to the house, both the girls were wide awake (at 9:30) and still going strong! I walked into the house to see Dave wearing a big sparkly gold necklace while the two little ones were running in circles around him. It was the cutest sight ever. He informed us that they all basically sang and danced to cookie monster's song "Healthy Foods" most of the night, inbetween playing "mean cow" which I still can't quite grasp but I understood it as though Dave was the "mean cow" and the girls had to rescue all the other little animals in the play room from him. :) I scooped Abby up in my arms when I saw her and asked her if she had a good time playing to which she exclaimed very loudly "Yes!! Mean Cowww!!! :) )

After Abby and Ashley left, I seriously couldn't stop hugging and kissing him. I don't know why but seeing him in that moment, so outside his element, and loving those two little pumpkins made him even more attractive to me. And I realized, all those years of waiting for the right person were worth it. All the times I heard or felt God gently nudge me away from someone were because he had the perfect person for me. Not the perfect person (as they say) but the perfect person for me.

And so that is what I started thinking about, what solidified to me that this was the person God had for me and what should you look for? I am an expert on this so I am happy to let you know. Ha! Totally kidding..but I did realize, I think there are a few essential elements you should absolutely see in a future spouse before you can confidently step into marriage with them. No comprimising. Got it? :)

1. They treat their family with respect.

The first time I went home to meet Dave's parents I witnessed such a beautiful scene..he didn't even know I saw this at the time, but I know God orchestrated it for me to see for a reason. His little sister's boyfriend had just broken up with her that afternoon (she was in 7th grade at the time) and she was so sad. I was in their bathroom getting ready but had the door open. I saw Paige climb into Dave's lap and lay her head against his shoulder as little tears fell down her cheeks. I saw him wipe them away and so gently tell her that he was so sorry she was sad and that he loved her. It was so sweet and real, and the fact that I could see them, but they couldn't see me showed me that he was like that all the time with her. She trusted and loved him because he had proven himself a true big brother to her.

This picture was obviously taken a couple years before I met Dave but I thought it was perfect to show their friendship! :)

2. They respect their parents or guardians.

Dave has, since the day I met him, loved and respected his parents. Thankfully, his parents were great examples to him of what a parent should look like and loved him dearly. I have never heard him speak negatively towards them, or about them. I loved that about him then, and I love it still.

I thought this was a cute picture to use because he looks just about Clara Grace's age here and can you see the similarity??? :)
3. They have solid friendships with positive role models.

I think a guy's group of friends says alot about them. The people he hangs out with are so important to who they are. Dave's friends did normal guy stuff, they played sports together, hung out constantly, did freeze outs in their cars on the way to school in 0 degree weather (which even for guys I will never understand). :) But most of all, they loved God. They encouraged eachother, held eachother accountable and tried to be the men God called them to be.

I'm not sure how old Dave is in this picture, but I think he was a Sohphomore in high school. I can't even tell what the theme of this party was but now I'm going to fast forward about 8 years.

Same guys, however in the previous picture you would have found Matt in the orange suit, Judd the purple, Nate the green, and Dave the creame. Their friendship was always noticeable. :)

4. They treat YOU with respect.

I know that sounds like a given, but speaking from personal experience, I let so many guys walk all over me, making excuses for them every step of the way. Why do we do that girls??? If he didn't open a door for you the first time he met you, her certainly isn't going to open it 5 years down the road! So, yes, this is important. Dave opened my door on our first date and he still will if his arms aren't full. He tells me I'm beautiful when I'm covered in baby food and haven't showered in 2 days...okay 3 days...and he always calls to check on me each day. I still love that. So please, again, remember...if he doesn't treat you with respect now...he certainly won't in the future.  

This picture was taken almost exactly 5 years ago to the date...

and that same man still treats me with the most respect I've ever known.

It shouldn't have come as a surprise to me that he is a wonderful daddy as well.

Yes, we've deffinitely had our rough spots, and we don't wake up every single morning singing "Good morning, beautiful" to eachother lol, but when there is a problem we work at it and we pray together and work on comprimise and understanding and trust each and every day because a marriage just cannot last without those things.
So, to surmise, finding someone to spend the rest of your life with is so incredibly important but thankfully, using wisdom, you can look for important aspects in a future spouse and also find assurance that there is a God up above who knows exactly who each person needs if you are listening to Him. And we can be assured He will find us the absolute best! :) Yay! :)

I don't know why I felt it laid on my heart to write about this, but I did. So I hope, someone out there needed to hear this. I have had too many friends get divorced after only a few this is a subject close to my heart!


Kat said...

Awe, love your love story!!! And what an encouragement this has been to me as I struggle to "patiently" wait on the "right" man for me.

kayla said... this Amber!! :)

Alina Yeisley said...

I love this. I love you. I love your heart. I love your dedication to your marriage. And I love being a "Plan B" friend.

:) You make my world brighter, AmberFlowerSunshinePants Guderian.

Kelsey's Recipe said...

This post meant a lot to me Amber! :) Believe it or not your marriage is one that I highly look up to! I can't wait to start my marriage off like that! You are so encouraging! I love that about you!

Anonymous said...

I happened to stumble onto your blog. My husband and I got into a fight with doors slamming and lungs screaming. He left to calm down. I wrote him a note telling him I was going to take a shower and then if he wasn't back when I finished, I would leave--likely for a very long while.

I prayed and asked for comfort. I turned on my computer hoping to have a note from a friend. Nothing. I then blog searched "Fighting with Husband" and I was hoping to find a blog bashing husbands. Instead I found yours.

It became an answer to my prayer. I still went and took a shower to help me calm down. And when he wasn't home, I then sat there and soaked in the bath tub for a very long time, just waiting for him to come back. After reading your blog, it reminded me that my husband is worth fighting for too--instead of fighting with. :)

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